Put my right shoulder, under my right knee (Ok) then my left arm behind my back and grasp my right hand with my left hand (where is my left hand, accidental groping, got it) … now step my left foot forward to the top of my mat (which foot is my left one… breathe must breathe, stay with my breath)…now step shift my weight onto my right foot and lift my left one and slowly stand up (really? REALLY? Are you kidding me?) … And breathe. (Seriously. Is anyone else doing this? She is. Man. Don’t check out on this one girl. Stay. Stay. Nope I’m out.)
Yes this is me hating life on my yoga mat. Hating my teacher. Hating the pose. Suffice it to say that I have edited the true language that comes to mind when I am hating life on my yoga mat. This is my mind checking out…instead of checking IT out. So much for the peaceful and graceful asana practice that I see in pictures and online. If, I’ve checked out my breath has stopped, my jaw is clenched and I’m pretty sure my facial expression is not serine. And I am all judgy inside with thoughts about how beautiful the teacher or my yoga mates are and I am not. How they got the pose…I did not. This experience is part of my truth. It is also part of my path. As important as and more important than “getting the pose”. The pose is just the vehicle for my soul’s birth. The pose is my Tapas, a burning away of all that keeps me from my Self. And let’s face it that when I get off my mat there is plenty of other times that I find myself hating life. In fact, after this class I found myself hating life when the computer at work went glitchy. So I got to practice again. And this my own personal cycle of life, a sort of birth and rebirth between life on and off my mat.
There is so much to practice on my mat when I am in the place of hating life. Each time, time I learn that I am stronger than my mind believes. Each time, I learn that breath is there to carry me, to hold me, to guide me, to remind me to ease into the challenge rather than barrel past the point of my body say this is enough today. Each time, I learn to love the hating life, I learn to witness with love and compassion. I grow my heart, I surrender my agendas and my judgy thoughts. All is beauty when we practice from the heart. So while my yoga mates gracefully unfurl into the pose all of us are unfurling into the beautiful, loving places of our hearts. And we take it with us into the world…to practice again.
Written by Jane Grant